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What is the Source of our Sorrow? CPP Volunteers Share their Hearts with the Incarcerated

Morgan Emmess — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 23:11:42 +0000

by Mary Diamond

Compassion Prison Project staff and volunteers visited Valley State Prison (California) to launch the Trauma Talks video series. The purpose of this series is to educate residents about trauma; how to recognize their own childhood trauma, to see how it affected them in the past and how it continues to impact their lives now.

What is trauma?

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): “trauma results from an event, a series of events or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening”. There is a vast body of data demonstrating that childhood trauma can be especially detrimental, affecting physical and mental health, both in the short and long term. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician and currently the Surgeon General of the State of California joined the CPP team at Valley State Prison.

Dr. Burke Harris addresses childhood trauma in her book, The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity. In her practice, she recognized a link between trauma and the health of her young patients, like one girl who had asthma attacks every time her father hit the wall, or one boy who stopped growing after a sexual assault when he was 4-years old. These young patients led her to learn more about adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs.

"Because we were raised in chaotic or controlling homes, our internal compass is oriented toward excitement, pain and shame. This inner world can be described as an 'inside drug store.' The shelves are stocked with bottles of excitement, toxic shame, self hate, self doubt and stress."

John Adams Tweet

Take the ACE Test

Did you experience one or more ACEs? If you respond positively, you are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control, “61% of adults surveyed across 25 states reported they had experienced at least one type of ACE and nearly 1 in 6 reported they had experienced four or more types of ACEs”. 78% of the prison population in the United States, on the other hand, experienced four or more ACEs. The men at Valley State Prison, in sharing their own trauma with the CPP team, now know they are not alone in their sorrow.

Trauma and the Brain

Becoming aware of our trauma through the ACE test, and understanding how trauma affects our brains is the first step towards healing. Normally, in the face of trauma, individuals enter an automatic, biological (natural) “alarm state,” with an increase in hormones and a sense of fear. Consequently, we react with a “fight” or “flight” response. In children, repeated or prolonged exposure to traumatic events can overload the “alarm state”, short-circuiting healthy neural connections, which will affect the brain’s architecture. The child’s brain adapts to survive the trauma, which can ultimately compromise mental, emotional, and social functioning and normal, healthy development.

"The part of our brain that is devoted to ensuring survival (deep below our rational brain) is not very good at denial. Long after a traumatic experience is over, it may be reactivated at the slightest hint of danger and mobilize disturbed brain circuits and secrete massive amounts of stress hormones. This precipitates unpleasant emotions, intense physical sensations, and impulsive and aggressive actions. These post-traumatic reactions feel incomprehensible and overwhelming. Feeling out of control, survivors of trauma often begin to fear that they are damaged to the core and beyond redemption."

Bessel van der Kolk Tweet

Recognizing Trauma

The symptoms of trauma range from mild to severe and include emotional, psychological and physical responses. To name only a few, traumatized people, in the short or long term, may experience anger, fear, sadness, depression, anxiety, shame, numbness, headaches, fatigue, and/or digestive issues. If you have experienced or are experiencing these symptoms, take the time to learn more about symptoms of childhood trauma.

Healing is Possible

While it may be very difficult to face our pasts, the reality is that trauma has deeply affected our lives, and especially the lives of the incarcerated. In becoming aware of our trauma, we recognize we have the choice to heal.

Compassion Prison Project’s Trauma Talks is all about educating the staff, prison residents, and the community-at-large, about childhood trauma. We offer healing modalities, mental and emotional exercises and much more, as the goal is to share how to be more compassionate, self-accepting and self-loving. In the words of trauma expert, Peter A. Levine, PhD, “Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.”

Please help us on Giving Tuesday to help others heal through our shared humanity, empathy, and compassion. Support Trauma Talks today by making a donation here.

Watch some of our volunteers talk about the heartbreak they experienced while at Valley State Prison…

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CPP Volunteers Remind The Incarcerated That They Matter

Morgan Emmess — Tue, 09 Nov 2021 21:36:41 +0000

by Robert Wells

When was the last time someone told you that you mattered? For many incarcerated people, it’s something they likely haven’t heard in a long time, if ever.

In addition to educating and providing resources, a big part of our mission at CPP is letting those in prison know that their lives matter and that there are people who want to bring them an experience of joy.

Our volunteers help us to do that in many ways. For example, one volunteer got pistachios donated for the prison residents to enjoy during our recent presentation of the Compassion Trauma Circle and Trauma Talks at Valley State Prison.

“We heard multiple times how long it’s been since someone had a pistachio,” says CPP organizer Morgan Vicki Emmess. For prison residents, seemingly small things that we take for granted can be incredibly meaningful and deeply joyful.

“A correctional officer came in and announced abruptly that any food was to be consumed in this room only and couldn’t be taken back with them,” Emmess recounts. “It was a reality check for us volunteers for sure. The food issue is huge.”

“On one visit to Pelican Bay, we had pizza, and they had not had pizza in 7 years,” recalls volunteer Lesa Lacey. “There was a crazy buzz in the room.” She added, “After having just one state lunch, I can see why.”

Another favorite part of bringing the Compassion Trauma Circles and Trauma Talks to prisons is the camp songs we sing together. While many of us remember singing around a campfire as a kid, most people in prison never had the opportunity to go to summer camp, so it’s the first time they’ve ever sung silly songs together. People who experienced childhood trauma often missed the chance to have a real childhood. Instead, they were stuck in survival mode from a very young age.

According to data from the National Institute of Health, more than half of male prisoners experienced abuse, neglect, or other types of trauma at a young age. Through our Compassion Trauma Circles, Trauma Talks and other programs, CPP helps the incarcerated, corrections officers, and staff better understand the long-term mental and physical effects of childhood trauma.

One of our biggest allies, California Surgeon General Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, joined us for one of our Circles at Valley State Prison. She spent the day speaking one-on-one with each person about their aspirations, concerns, and favorite superheroes.

“I see myself as Deadpool,” one participant told the group. “I love helping people, but I find myself doing it in an unconventional way. I am that guy who lends the ear.”

“What you’re describing is just being present for somebody,” said Dr. Nadine Burke Harris. “That’s the greatest gift that you can give most people, just show up and listen.”

Simply put, small actions go a long way. Most people in prison want nothing more than to be heard and acknowledged for their intrinsic value. If you want to help us remind those in prison that they matter, learn how you can become a pen pal or support CPP.

Watch some of our volunteers talk about what brought them joy during our trip to Valley State Prison:

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A Celebration of Willie B. Smith

Morgan Emmess — Fri, 08 Oct 2021 14:50:51 +0000

by Rune Marie Nielsen, intro by Melonie McCoy

“My favorite pie is sweet potato, and I remember how I used to lick the bowl. You (CPP) all constantly remind me that I’m loved, that I’m forgiven, that I am somebody. This type of love is like giving me the sweet potato bowl to lick… this type of compassion is like a mother’s love.” Willie B. Smith III, who frequently exchanges heartfelt, insightful letters with volunteers, staff and especially volunteer Nora here at CPP, is scheduled to be executed on the 21st of this month.

CPP volunteer and artist, Rune Marie Nielsen, recently captivated us by finding Willie’s true light, kind heart and humble character within this beautiful portrait. As Rune explains, she wanted to capture Willie radiating the confidence and peace that CPP volunteers and staff see in him. CPP is working to help end the archaic practice of capital punishment which is rooted in slavery, class division and is historically an off-shoot of lynching.

Painting a portrait is like having a conversation with that person, but without using words. You get to know them better with each layer of paint. The ‘conversation’ begins with looking at their photo and finding emotions they express. Personality is shown in even the most simplest of portraits. Aspects such as how wide a person opens their mouth when they smile, if they are looking up at the viewer or away from the viewer, or even the arc of their eyebrows can convey a lot about them as a unique individual.

In Willie’s case, his posture and expression in the photo show a lot of sincerity, friendliness, and humility. He’s looking at the viewer in earnest, unafraid to show his genuine self. His smile is reserved a bit, showing perhaps a bit of shyness, but also kindness and caring, as though he wants to be friends with whomever he meets. In his photo, Willie’s eyes are partially closed and he’s stooped down a bit as he looks up at the viewer, which suggests a lot of humility but also some lack of confidence, which I see commonly in photos of people who care deeply about others at the expense of their own confidence. In the painting, I wanted to give Willie the confidence that we at CPP see in him. We are fully confident in his wonderful self, the Willie that deserves compassion and dignity. Therefore, in the painting his posture is more confident, being on a equal level with the viewer rather than hunched back, and his eyes are opened wider. This is the confident Willie we see in him, and we hope that he can see this confident Willie within himself.

I paint in acrylics, which require several layers for each painting. The first layers of a painting are always blurry because the paint is still thin and still acclimating to the canvas. These layers are like the soul that comes before the body. They are the steps of basic humanity, as something is appearing on canvas from darker tones to lighter ones (unlike some other forms of painting, acrylics are applied with darker tones first and lighter ones later). A person becomes more and more defined with each layer, revealing their uniqueness. When it is time to match a person’s features with their photo, there will always be some indicators that the painting is its own likeness. I emphasize expression in portraits, which means that sometimes I make eyes larger or lips less toned in order for the viewer to notice the expression first and foremost before noticing tiny details. Willie may not know me well, only having heard from me through a letter I sent him, but I feel like I have gotten to know Willie well through painting this portrait.

I could tell from Willie’s photo and the description of him that he was a person with so much light to give to this world. His light is something that radiates to others, so it felt natural to make the background of the painting a glowing yellow.

I wanted to paint Willie the way I do for every person I paint: as a dynamic and meaningful person of emotion who has so much to share with the world. I did not want to focus on the crimes he was tried for or his upcoming death sentence because those things do not define Willie. This portrait is a celebration of who he is, a person of love and life.

For more information about Rune and her work, please visit her website at runepainter.com

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An Unexpected Birthday Gift

Morgan Emmess — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 01:25:14 +0000

by Marian Brinkman

At the end of January 2019 I decided to pick up the digital pen and find an inmate to write to. I chose to find someone my age and came upon Mondo who sparked something in me when he was writing about how he loved to train and work with the younger guys. Mentoring them and sharing life lessons. His whole introduction was kind and respectful so I sent him a mail to introduce myself. Shortly after I received a mail from him and this is how our adventure started almost 2 years ago. We often feel we have really been put in each other’s journey for a reason. We just have such a deep energetic connection, it is such a precious gift. Although we have totally different backgrounds we find a lot of similarities as well. We both love to share and learn. Today we talked about the fact that I struggle with all the senseless freedom depriving and destructive measures taken in our country and he shares his view and stories and he shows me how this has been the story of his life and how he has learned to find a way to deal with it, I could not be more grateful for the connection we have. In the last two years we have sent many mails, shared videos, one live video and had an amazing visit in September 2019 when I visited him. Enclosed you will find the picture of our 1 visit. It was not awkward, it was just so much fun to enjoy being physically close and really see how he moves, talks, mannerisms, etc. We just have become really good friends. Sometimes the distance is difficult and also things like getting to understand a legal system that does not care too much about the human nature of the prisoner but overall it has been a deeply touching time.

As the previous words are a bit of an introduction, I really felt like sharing about the package I received recently and opened together with Mondo on the phone today. I just turned 50 over a week ago and Mondo and the men on the block did something that I will forever carry in my heart. About two months ago, Mondo came across a guy in his block who had drawn a dragon image on his shirt and Mondo was impressed and learned that this person had some markers and he asked if he could buy this from him and that is where he started his creative project. On the back of the shirt he made a graffiti picture of our names and a big heart and really put all his love in it and when it was ready he did something that moved me deeply. He had been telling some men in his block (level 3) about me and he decided to put on the shirt and wear it outside and invite people to write their names on it. When he was telling me at that time what had happened he was almost overwhelmed with emotions as a lot of guys came up to him and wanted to be part of this and put a birthday greeting and their name on it. I will think of other ways to honour these guys but I just needed to share this with someone who understands and I hope this will find you well.

"I have been working with refugees the past 7 years and know what beautiful things can come to the surface when you see and focus on the good in people."

I am so humbled and see the beauty of all these souls so strongly. They were happy to be part of creating something beautiful for a woman on the other side of the world. I so strongly felt love for these fellow human beings in this inhumane facility. So today I was touched again by having the shirt in my hands, reading all the names, smelling the perfume etc.. There are so many names on there. No blank spaces anymore, and Mondo touched me again today when he told me that in the past days he had connected more with the men there who he gets along with well. He sometimes is sad about the fact that some serve life sentences and he just felt like sharing our positive energy with them by showing them some of my videos and talking about my country/the world etc. He says that these moments are always so uplifting. It was so uplifting and beautiful what he shared and it inspires me to keep on doing this and step up a bit more. I know it is a long letter and I just dropped it in your mailbox. I am so sorry but I have nobody to share this with here and I know you would understand. Like you really SEE the men in your projects I just wanted to let you know I see the ones in this block of the Trumbull C I in Ohio and I see and feel the love they carry in their hearts even if this is not always visible in their day to day actions. I will keep on being a bit of light in their lives.

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A Gift of Compassion

Morgan Emmess — Thu, 17 Dec 2020 18:58:46 +0000

by CPP’s Melonie McCoy

At age 46, Chris Scott is a man who is passionate about learning. Along with his love of reading complex novels and scientific narratives, Chris has multiple degrees and is a sought-after tutor in English and writing. That is, when he’s not busy coaching a softball team or motivating others at hip-hop dance class. Chris is also serving what people in prison communities refer to as an “LWOP” sentence… life without parole, at Ironwood State Prison in California.

For the twenty plus years Chris has resided in prison. Throughout his sentence he and his mom, Sue, a volunteer at Compassion Prison Project, have maintained a close relationship. Though separated by hundreds of miles, they speak several times a week on the phone, updating each other on their daily lives and family news. Sometimes, together, they even critique books they’ve read. Sue was understandably relieved this past summer when Chris, along with several fellow prison residents, was able to leave isolation after weeks of confinement due to a positive Coronavirus test.

Recently, Chris called Sue to ask for help in resolving an air conditioner problem. He told her about men in their undershirts, leaning out of windows, trying to prevent heat exhaustion while working in 110-degree heat. These men, he explained, were the correctional officers working in the tower building across the field from his cell block.

This concern, fueled by compassion for the correctional officers who kept a daily watch over Chris and his companions, didn’t come as a shock to his mom. She knows that her son is a good and thoughtful person. The gruff-voiced man who returned her call from the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, however, was shocked into silence as Sue relayed her son’s request to fix the officers’ air conditioning. After a few moments, the man burst into laughter which seemed to erupt from sincere shock and genuine joy at the inquiry. “This is a first” he exclaimed. Then after a pause, continued “I can’t believe your son asked you to do this.”

A few days later, Chris looked across the prison yard toward the tower, happy to note that the correctional officers could no longer be seen leaning out of their windows. Feeling satisfied that the problem was resolved, Chris and Sue went back to their daily routine, happy to have made a difference. Ever hopeful that one day, they’ll be discussing books and life and family while relaxing together again at home.

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